Don't drop your arms

With quiet words I'll lead you...

Last night I went to the Dir en grey concert, and it was fantabulous. I bought a new dress for the occasion, and it is quite fantastical. I touched Kaoru's knee and got his water bottle that he dumped down my shirt and Liz's, who received the cap to the bottle. There was this hardcore fan behind me, and when Kaoru stepped onto the speaker he totally obliterated me. I was hanging onto the corner with my finger tips, squished against a blasting seven foot speaker with no where to step because some lazy people left there stuff on the ground instead of in coat check. I got it all on video! MY CAMERA DIED AS SOON AS THEY CAME OUT OF THE TOUR BUS! And it was fully charged when I left the house D:

I had the strangest dream last night. I've been thinking about it all day, and I haven't told anyone yet because it creeped me out.
I was at the school, and I went through the day in a bit of a rush. The halls were lit with natural light, not the normal fluorescent lights. I passed by many people and I received many flowers and such because I was to have emergency appendicitis surgery after chamber choir that day from one of the teachers. This teacher was apparently god to everyone, including myself.

So I was on the third floor of the school, where most of my classes are, and went to the washroom with Nikki. It wasn't the regular school washroom, but one that appears in my dreams often. The doors to the stalls were odd though, even to my dream self. They opened in the middle, then sort of latched together. Anyways, I washed my hands and fixed myself up.

I wasn't in my uniform oddly enough, but it kept changing between my skinny jeans and a skirt with fancy leggings. My shirt was grey, but I don't own one like it. I wish I did.

Anyways, I walked into the classroom next to my locker carrying a wicker basket of flowers with the fake grass stuff. It was a creamy grey with pale purple flowers. So I walk in and place it on the desks, and the teacher turns around from his desk. It was Stephen Christian, but not at the same time. He looked a lot like Stephen Christian, but acted totally different than who I have witnessed and listened to. His features seemed to stand out more, such as his clear deep blue eyes. And his smile...

I can't get that tilted smile out of my head.

It was the most chilling thing I have ever seen/dreamed in my life. Not in a good way either. It tilted to one side of the face, like a smirk. Teeth glinted with a pearly luster. He had his hair tied back loosely, and was wearing a tight black suit. That's another difference, his build was much smaller than Stephen's. Anyways I was like unsure the whole time, and he tried to comfort me by talking about choir. So I kept talking, and he had me on the desks to start the surgery and had already given me the stuff that knocks you out before my common sense caught up to me. He already had my shirt lifted, revealing my stomach and bordering the under wire in my bra. I flailed my arm, and was struggling really hard to keep consciousness.

Yes, I kept blacking out in a dream. This probably made it more creepy.

He gave me that smile and chuckled. I told him I couldn't go through with the surgery there, it was beyond unsanitary. I had gotten off the desks at this point on the opposite side of him, and had to grab onto the desks to keep from falling over because of the immense pain in my side. He told me that was the appendicitis and that it was getting worse. If it wasn't treated right away, "well... Let's just say it won't be a pleasent experience." I was shaking and crawled towards all the flowers and such that were in the corner of the room. I slumped down and kept gasping, blinking really hard to keep awake. I had Fred, my panda, with me as well as a few other things from my past that make me feel safe. He laughed and kept saying that those things wouldn't protect me from the world. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me up and forwards, but I was limp so he caught me. He told me he was going to do what he planned whether I wanted it or not, and then I shoved him really hard and stumbled out of the room and into the hall. I ran with Fred in my hand down the hall with the windows to the atrium. He was running behind me and shouting my name, and then I looked back and Fred wasn't with me anymore. He was smiling and I was breathing really hard and then I just fell forward to have him catch me again, and everything went black.

I woke up this morning with him saying "I'm just getting started" and something about how my safety items are useless in reality. The whole time during that dream I felt really small and delicate. I'm often told I'm tiny and look fragile, but I always feel like I can handle nearly everything.

I was so depressed when I woke up this morning because of that. How could my mind have twisted Stephen Christian, my idol, so much?