Your simple tragedy is all I wish to hear

Sorrow lasts through this night.

I'm seventeen now! My birthday was last Monday, a week back from tomorrow. I was sick most of the week though, and then came back on a test day. Probably flunked. Not a good thing when looking at University applications. It seems like everything I've handed in in the past week or so has been shit. I've gotten the worst marks I've had all semester, and they were all on projects/papers that I worked incredibly hard on. When I handed them in I was positive I would get low to mid eighties. Then BANG shit mark. I seem to notice a pattern of whenever I do bad when I know it should be better I get sick. It's even like a genuine illness, it just tends to happen when things are hard to understand.

I have a new video camera from my birthday, and I haven't used it yet. What is wrong with me? The thing is amazing. I think I've been sleeping too much. But then again, whenever I try to do something more all I can think of is how tired I feel. Maybe if something happens in my life I won't feel so tired anymore. Like I'm tired with life or something. Weird. I like life. The Orphaned Anythings has given me more of an appreciation for it. Yet I still feel tired. Of everything. Bitch.

Lor didn't show up to my birthday party. She told me she would come right after work, and then told Myu the night before she wouldn't show up. To make it worse, during the party she was texting Tori making up an excuse as to why she wasn't there and wouldn't be. Both Tori and Bree took the initiative to leave their beef at the door and came as soon as they could. They really made an effort. Becca was prepared to do the same. I don't see why Lor couldn't do the same thing. When I wondered aloud why Lor wasn't there and I learned about those things, it really hurt. By the time everyone was leaving and I realized she really wouldn't show up for even a minute to say Happy Birthday I felt like crying. It takes a lot to make me cry, so I was able to stabilize pretty quickly though.

I give up. I made an effort to really be friends again. She blew it for her own selfish reasons. I've never given her a reason to not trust me, and she just lies about everything to get her way. I know Bree has her moments of "wtf?" but she always talks about it and it usually gets corrected. Lor does it behind everyone back. I'm done with it. I don't talk to her much any more, but I think I'm going to revisit my elementary school days and just ignore her existence.

xxx