Now it's easier...

... than you thought that it would be

I have my theatre midterm friday. Gah. I have so much to study!! Also have been missing a ridiculous amount of my British Lit classes. I hate mornings. I've been sick siiiiiiince Saturday night/Sunday thanks to my brother, and I super didn't want to kiss Terry and give it to him but things got complicated.

So after his classes were done we ended up meeting in the hall of CCT where I was heading back from the library, where I had to ditch due to my rather disruptive coughing fit of nasty. Anyways we went back to his place and were gunna study but I asked if we could nap and apparently he'd only slept 4 hours so he agreed. We went up to his room and everything was good, he was playfully trying to kiss me but I kept saying no and pulling back and explaining how sad it would be if I got him sick when the Anberlin show is next week, as well as his birthday and halloween [I'm going as Pikachu btw!].

So we were lying there snuggling and listening to Blink 182 when Kevin, who I was texting before, texted me back. So Terry handed me my phone and Kevin texted something incoherent so I was asking Terry about it to see if he would understand and he got all sort of moody and said "I... seriously don't care." So I was like "Uhmmm, kay. Well Kevin's stupid anyways." and put my phone down. Then Terry got really standoffish and wouldn't face me and sat up a couple times and seemed really agitated. I sat up too and put my chin on his shoulder and asked what he was thinking about while he was looking out the window and he was like "a lot of things." So I waited a second before saying "like what?" and he didn't answer and just laid back down. I laid back down with him, and he was only letting me lay on his arm when he usually holds me with his other and was looking away from me and at the ceiling and stuff. I thought he was like that because I wouldn't let him kiss me, so I decided one kiss wouldn't hurt and sat up and pecked his lips and told him to make sure to take vitamins and stuff for precaution, but he just sorta stared at me. I didn't get why he was so rawr, and it felt like something jabbing at my chest.

A minute later he asks "why do you talk about him around me?" and I was confused, and was like "What? Who, Kevin?" since he was the only guy I'd mentioned. He totally thought Kevin was my ex, and said he specifically remembered me calling him my boyfriend at one point when I introduced them. I was like "Uh, no. Never dated Kevin. He's my guy friend. Never would've said he was anything else, he's the only one that's had one sided feelings for about a year." and he was still angry about it and went on to say it felt horrible when I talk about him in front of him. So I was still rather stunned and feeling really awkward since I was thinking about the party when Kevin was drunk, and I apologized in a sort of meek voice. But he told me it wasn't something I should apologize for, and then said "What a day this was."

At this point I looked between him and the little card and price tag pinned on his bulletin board from when we first got together for a minute before saying "You're really mad about this." as I was still trying to take in the fact that he was angry at me. He replied "Well, yeah. Doesn't feel nice." So I took my arm back from hanging over his chest and lay there for a moment and I felt like my insides had been clenched and twisted with a wrench. I got a little more upset in my tone than I wanted to, because I was thinking about how the texting convo was over plans to go Toronto shopping for Terry's birthday present. Then I said "You know, Kevin's one of my best guy friends. He doesn't even like me that way anymore." [as Becca had told me, as well as Kevin telling me about a few new crushes he's had recently] and Terry replied saying "That's only what you think." So I sat up and said "Do you even know my dating history? I've only dated two guys before, one of them being you. That's how picky I am." And I turned away and was thinking of just leaving to go study in the library.

He sat up after that, and apologized and hugged me and went on saying how I was the longest he's ever been in a relationship with someone. Which surprised me so I was like "What, really? We've been dating since August so..." and he instantly replied around two months which made me smile and he was like "Yeah, sad right?" and I was like "Aha kinda." Then he went on to say how I was also the only girl whose parents he met, as well as family. I told him he was the first guy I brought to my family gathering, besides the Prolas family but they didn't count 'cause they are family. He told him mum about it on the phone and apparently she was pretty surprised. Then I went on to say my last boyfriend was a total douche who was in the army who hunted and killed bunnies and told him about this one time where I invited him to one of my brothers shows and stuff. Then I was like "Noooo, all I can picture are dying bunnies. Dead bunnies aren't cool. Except the bunny from Holy grail, that was hilarious." Then Terry said dead bunnies aren't nice and hoped that he missed a lot, and went on to say that I was all he thought about, like the instant he woke up the first word that came to his mind was my name and when I was sick and couldn't make it to campus and see him he smoked a bunch weed for short term memory loss [which he probs would've done anyways, but the way he said it was sweet.]

Then he said he loved me, and I said I loved him and we kissed a couple times before I pulled away and was like "Wait bad, sick!" and laid back down with him next to me and a minute passed before I went "Fuck." and kissed him again. Then my phone alarm went off and I had to go to class so we were like "Five more minutes" but it passed quick and then he walked me to class.

After a very long and boring class where we studied Frankenstein for the third consecutive year, Terry walked me to my car and then we had our goodbye kiss but I didn't want him to go yet so I asked if he wanted a ride and he said sure so I moved my books and he got in. When we got back to his dorm we had another good bye kiss and he said he loved me and I said I loved him. Then he asked me to say it again, so I blushed and said it in a slightly quieter tone that I loved him and he asked "Really?" and I giggled and said yeah. It was really cute.

I know I wasn't sure before, but since my last post I've been really looking at him and taking in his little habits [like when he's thinking about something he doesn't really like but has to do he puffs out his cheeks. So cute!] and how he talks and taking more effort to listen to him. I really miss him when I'm not with him, and when I hear a song on the radio I think "Oh, Terry would like this!" or I think aww those lyrics make more sense now. I miss him.